Venting seems simple. You tell your story, someone listens, and that is it. Or so it seems. At least, that was what I used to think.
Until one day, I found myself becoming someone’s confidant for a pretty complex personal situation.
As I listened, I naturally felt sympathy and empathy. I couldn’t help it; I started drawing my own conclusions about another person based on the one-sided story.
Before I knew it, I had started overthinking it and feeling down about a situation that wasn’t even mine to go through.
Then came the twist. Some time later, that same person went on to share how content they were with the very person they had previously gone off about.
My immediate reaction was, “Wait. Weren’t you ranting about them yesterday? And now you’re posting like everything’s totally fine now?”
It is not that I was not happy they had reconciled, but honestly, it felt like my emotions had been all over the place.
I was still carrying around the emotional burden of that story, while their situation had already improved.
That is when I realized being a listener is not as simple as just listening and moving on.
It could be my own fault for getting too caught up in someone else’s drama.
Perhaps I should have just listened and been a space for them to unload their thoughts, letting it pass without taking it all to heart.
But I’m only human, and humans have feelings.
Read More: When I should Have Faked It Till I Made It
The Risks of Venting to Friends
At another time, I ran into a friend’s post on social media, in which he said he regretted confiding in someone because he did not get the response he expected.
Instead of support or encouragement, he received judgmental responses.
Others have shared similar experiences: their private conversations ended up getting shared around.
At this point, it got me thinking that there might be times when it is better not to vent to friends or relatives.
That way, it does not negatively impact either side, both the one venting and the one listening.
The person sharing risks getting an unhelpful response or having their business aired out to others.
Meanwhile, the person listening risks absorbing an emotional burden they’re not adequately equipped to handle.
That Does Not Mean You Should Bottle Everything Up
Just to be clear, I’m not saying we should stop opening up to people altogether, or that you shouldn’t vent to your best friend if that works for you.
As human beings, we’re inherently wired to need some kind of outlet for all the emotions we carry.
Bottling everything up to yourself is not good for your physical or mental health.
According to Atika Dian Ariana, a psychology expert at Airlangga University (UNAIR), suppressing emotions can lead to a range of health and psychological issues, such as weakened immunity, reduced concentration, and increased sensitivity.
Still, we cannot ignore that friends and relatives, despite their good intentions, often lack objectivity and strong emotional boundaries.
If talking to them feels enough, that is perfectly fine.
But if you need a clearer perspective and more structured and objective guidance, turning to a professional might be the better option.
Professionals You Can Talk To
Psychologists or Psychiatrists
For many people, it is not easy to tell the two apart.
A psychologist is a trained professional who helps us understand our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors through therapy.
A psychiatrist, on the other hand, is a medical doctor who can also prescribe medication if needed.
Both are bound by strict codes of confidentiality and respond without personal bias, which makes them ideal when negative feelings have been lingering for quite some time or are starting to interfere with daily life.
And the good news? Seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist carries far less stigma than it once did.
Consultants
For more concrete issues, such as a stagnant career, financial problems, workplace conflict, or marital struggles, you can talk to professionals in the relevant field, such as career consultants, financial planners, or marriage counselors.
Consulting with them does not just ease your mental burden.
It also helps break messy problems down into clear, actionable steps.
Religious Figures
In a broader sense, religious figures (for example, ustadz and ulama in Islam) can also be seen as professionals.
They have expertise, knowledge, and responsibility in their field, following certain principles and ethical standards.
What I want to emphasize is that religious figures can in specific contexts be the right people to turn to for guidance.
They have a knowledge- and value-based perspective that can offer more measured and reassuring guidance, especially in matters related to religious law, such as marriage, divorce, and inheritance.
Talking to Professionals Does Not Have to Be Expensive
If cost is holding you back, psychological consultations can actually be accessed through Indonesia’s national health insurance, BPJS Kesehatan.
As long as you follow the proper procedure, usually starting from primary healthcare and getting referred, you can receive professional help at a much lower cost, sometimes even without additional fees.
On top of that, there are now many online counseling services available through apps (Halodoc, Alodokter, etc.), making it easier to open up without leaving your home.
Many psychologists also offer more affordable sessions through their websites (for example, satupersen.com) or social media platforms.
Don’t Forget to Turn to God
Pardon me for getting a bit religious here, but do not forget to share your thoughts and pray to God about your life’s struggles.
This does not make professional help any less important. Instead, it complements what humans cannot fully provide.
By turning to Him, you may feel a profound sense of relief, because there is nothing you need to filter or hold back.
When it is done with faith and positive belief, you may gain not only peace, but also guidance and the best possible solutions.
To conclude, the issue is not venting itself.
We may not always know who the right person to entrust it to is.
We may not always know who the right person to turn to is when things get overwhelming.
